1 00:00:06,768 --> 00:00:08,865 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:11,808 --> 00:00:13,038 There you are. 3 00:00:13,140 --> 00:00:14,374 I thought you got taken. 4 00:00:14,509 --> 00:00:17,013 I had this horrible image of you locked in a shed. 5 00:00:17,115 --> 00:00:20,551 "Mister, please, I'm just a little lady. 6 00:00:20,686 --> 00:00:21,953 "Unchain me. I'm late 7 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:24,555 -for my job at the DMV." -If that was my focus, 8 00:00:24,657 --> 00:00:26,557 I would let him kill me. 9 00:00:26,659 --> 00:00:27,992 No, Barb, I told you-- 10 00:00:28,095 --> 00:00:30,191 I'm taking the morning off to re-register my car. 11 00:00:30,293 --> 00:00:31,828 That's why you missed my morning meeting. 12 00:00:31,930 --> 00:00:33,460 -Yeah. -It was so frustrating. 13 00:00:33,562 --> 00:00:35,727 I tried to warn everybody about the rash of robberies 14 00:00:35,829 --> 00:00:38,398 in East Hollywood, but as usual, nobody listens to Barb. 15 00:00:38,533 --> 00:00:40,135 -AUTOMATED VOICE: G-12 -Ooh, that's me. Yay. 16 00:00:40,237 --> 00:00:41,604 -at window number nine. -Sorry, what? 17 00:00:41,706 --> 00:00:42,906 Wasn't listening. 18 00:00:43,008 --> 00:00:44,571 Why is no one taking this seriously? 19 00:00:44,706 --> 00:00:47,079 The DMV has strict policies about how to react to robberies. 20 00:00:47,181 --> 00:00:49,006 And if we don't get on the ball, we're gonna be nip-deep 21 00:00:49,108 --> 00:00:50,073 in cow pie. 22 00:00:50,208 --> 00:00:51,616 Relax, Barb. 23 00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:53,415 That's why we got security. 24 00:00:58,926 --> 00:01:01,725 We are not prepared for what's coming. 25 00:01:01,827 --> 00:01:04,495 -Mr. Counter Worker. -Oh. 26 00:01:04,597 --> 00:01:05,891 Madam Customer. 27 00:01:05,994 --> 00:01:07,357 -Yeah. -Oh. 28 00:01:07,459 --> 00:01:10,231 -Oh, a-a 1993 Volvo. -Mm-hmm. 29 00:01:10,367 --> 00:01:12,394 He's got a little rust around the hood, sure, 30 00:01:12,496 --> 00:01:14,702 but otherwise stunning. 31 00:01:14,804 --> 00:01:16,501 Okay. Uh-oh. 32 00:01:16,603 --> 00:01:18,242 I actually can't register this vehicle. 33 00:01:18,378 --> 00:01:21,075 -Sure you can. -No, you're a year overdue for a smog check. 34 00:01:21,210 --> 00:01:22,781 Actually, I'm three years overdue. 35 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:25,750 But, luckily, I have an in at the DMV. 36 00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:27,415 -Wait, you do? -It's you. It's you. 37 00:01:27,517 --> 00:01:30,115 -Oh. -So just, you know, tappy-tappy, everybody happy. 38 00:01:30,250 --> 00:01:31,583 I'm so sorry. I can't. 39 00:01:31,685 --> 00:01:33,850 Barb took away override privileges after Vic 40 00:01:33,952 --> 00:01:36,554 tried to change his license to say "organ boner." 41 00:01:36,623 --> 00:01:38,555 Do you remember the stickers he made? 42 00:01:38,657 --> 00:01:40,796 So I took the morning off for nothing? 43 00:01:40,898 --> 00:01:42,999 Man, the DMV sucks! 44 00:01:43,101 --> 00:01:44,963 -Never said that from this side. -Whoa. 45 00:01:45,098 --> 00:01:45,933 Here you go. 46 00:01:46,035 --> 00:01:47,671 (exclaims) I'm fine. 47 00:01:48,173 --> 00:01:49,732 Which way do people normally storm out? 48 00:01:49,834 --> 00:01:51,101 -They do go that way. -Great. Thank you. 49 00:01:51,237 --> 00:01:52,167 Have a good day. 50 00:01:52,269 --> 00:01:54,443 ♪ ♪ 51 00:01:57,074 --> 00:02:00,444 Apparently, I need to get a bunch of expensive repairs 52 00:02:00,580 --> 00:02:02,613 before Gary can pass his smog test. 53 00:02:02,715 --> 00:02:05,123 Oh, that's right. You're a car namer. Ugh. 54 00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:08,016 There's nothing wrong with naming your transportaish. 55 00:02:08,118 --> 00:02:11,255 I swear, my car runs better when I call it by name. 56 00:02:11,357 --> 00:02:12,993 -The Buttmobile? -Yeah. 57 00:02:13,095 --> 00:02:14,830 I also named my arms. 58 00:02:14,932 --> 00:02:16,859 Jean-Claude, Stallone, 59 00:02:16,961 --> 00:02:19,730 let's go get some creatine gummies. (grunts) 60 00:02:19,799 --> 00:02:21,296 -Gross. -GREGG: Do you want me to take you 61 00:02:21,432 --> 00:02:22,433 to Armando later? 62 00:02:22,502 --> 00:02:23,772 He's the best mechanic in town. 63 00:02:23,841 --> 00:02:24,973 -Really? -Mm-hmm. 64 00:02:25,075 --> 00:02:27,012 Yeah. Okay. Thanks, Gregg. 65 00:02:27,148 --> 00:02:29,680 Oh, it's okay. I'll take any reason to not be here. 66 00:02:29,782 --> 00:02:31,007 Gary thanks you, too. 67 00:02:31,743 --> 00:02:32,781 (Nordic accent): "Thank you, Gregg." 68 00:02:32,850 --> 00:02:33,984 Don't do that. 69 00:02:34,086 --> 00:02:35,078 -(regular accent): He's Swedish. -Mm. 70 00:02:35,147 --> 00:02:36,079 Volvo. 71 00:02:36,148 --> 00:02:37,486 ♪ ♪ 72 00:02:41,288 --> 00:02:42,887 Take care. Goodbye. 73 00:02:42,989 --> 00:02:45,694 (deep voice): Hey. A good boy puts the money in the bag. 74 00:02:45,830 --> 00:02:47,262 S-S-Sorry, what? 75 00:02:47,330 --> 00:02:49,499 A good boy puts the money in the bag. 76 00:02:49,601 --> 00:02:50,666 Now. 77 00:02:51,402 --> 00:02:52,795 Okay. Look, no one needs to get hurt, all right? 78 00:02:52,897 --> 00:02:54,339 I'm just gonna reach for the register... 79 00:02:54,474 --> 00:02:55,332 (groans) 80 00:02:55,434 --> 00:02:56,868 -(gasping) -(grunts) 81 00:02:58,106 --> 00:02:59,802 -(yelps) -Barb? 82 00:02:59,904 --> 00:03:01,938 -(squeaks) -Why are you robbing the DMV? 83 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:04,082 (regular voice): I was testing our crime readiness. 84 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,681 You could've held, like, a meeting or something. 85 00:03:06,816 --> 00:03:07,685 I did. 86 00:03:07,787 --> 00:03:09,512 But none of you listened. 87 00:03:09,647 --> 00:03:11,150 -Oh. -I think you finally 88 00:03:11,219 --> 00:03:13,482 un-deviated my septum. 89 00:03:13,551 --> 00:03:15,684 Smells terrible in here. 90 00:03:15,787 --> 00:03:17,554 -Yeah. -But you did get the water 91 00:03:17,689 --> 00:03:19,258 out of my ear from last summer. 92 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:20,761 Hashtag grateful. (chuckles) 93 00:03:20,863 --> 00:03:22,025 (groans) 94 00:03:26,366 --> 00:03:27,799 -Ms. Tyler. -Mm-hmm. 95 00:03:27,901 --> 00:03:29,541 Do you park your car in a place with a lot of rats? 96 00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:30,900 Yes. Los Angeles. 97 00:03:31,035 --> 00:03:32,539 Yeah. Looks like some rodents have been chewing 98 00:03:32,675 --> 00:03:34,572 at your wiring. Your entire exhaust system is out. 99 00:03:34,674 --> 00:03:36,612 But he can still pass his smog test? 100 00:03:36,714 --> 00:03:37,573 Totally. 101 00:03:37,675 --> 00:03:38,950 After a-a new exhaust system 102 00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,214 and five or six other things I saw, 103 00:03:40,350 --> 00:03:42,588 you're looking at about... 3,000. 104 00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:44,480 -Dollars? -Dollars. 105 00:03:44,582 --> 00:03:45,724 Are you saying "dollars"? 106 00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:47,385 -I'm trying to. -Gregg. 107 00:03:47,487 --> 00:03:48,550 -Mm-hmm? -There you are. 108 00:03:48,686 --> 00:03:50,386 Were you working on a car? 109 00:03:50,488 --> 00:03:51,657 No. Meatball sub. 110 00:03:51,725 --> 00:03:53,897 Armando's mom has a sandwich shop next door. 111 00:03:53,999 --> 00:03:56,031 It's called "Ar-Mom-do's." 112 00:03:56,099 --> 00:03:57,730 -That's so cute. -Yeah. 113 00:03:57,832 --> 00:03:59,697 Did she tell you a bunch of rats had been chewing at it 114 00:03:59,766 --> 00:04:02,199 and then try to charge you $3,000 for it? 115 00:04:02,268 --> 00:04:03,433 -No. -No? 116 00:04:03,535 --> 00:04:05,371 Look. 'Scuse us. 117 00:04:05,473 --> 00:04:07,710 -The ESC is toast. -GREGG: Oh. 118 00:04:07,813 --> 00:04:09,108 The EVAP system. 119 00:04:09,210 --> 00:04:10,574 The oxygen sensor. 120 00:04:10,677 --> 00:04:12,112 GREGG: You check the spark plugs? 121 00:04:12,214 --> 00:04:13,143 Catalytic converter? 122 00:04:13,245 --> 00:04:14,215 Yeah. 123 00:04:14,284 --> 00:04:15,744 -The plugs are shot, too. -Mm. 124 00:04:15,846 --> 00:04:18,755 The rest is just a matter of time. 125 00:04:18,857 --> 00:04:21,256 -Yep. -Yep. 126 00:04:21,358 --> 00:04:23,489 Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. 127 00:04:23,591 --> 00:04:25,361 -What do we got here, fellas? -Well, 128 00:04:25,429 --> 00:04:27,792 everything in this car is on life support. 129 00:04:27,894 --> 00:04:30,795 -Mm. -You'd be better off buying a new car. 130 00:04:30,931 --> 00:04:33,234 Yeah. If you like, we have a little used car lot 131 00:04:33,303 --> 00:04:34,266 on the other side. (whistles) 132 00:04:34,368 --> 00:04:36,607 Whoa. N-No. I love Gary. 133 00:04:36,709 --> 00:04:37,808 Car namer. 134 00:04:37,910 --> 00:04:39,209 Hey, I don't judge. 135 00:04:39,311 --> 00:04:40,803 My wife dresses our husky in a turtleneck. 136 00:04:40,939 --> 00:04:43,076 Like neutering him once wasn't enough. 137 00:04:43,145 --> 00:04:45,279 (weak chuckling) 138 00:04:45,382 --> 00:04:47,446 (sighs) You're probably wondering 139 00:04:47,549 --> 00:04:49,617 -why I'm pea-ing myself. -CECI: Mm. 140 00:04:49,719 --> 00:04:51,615 We're mostly wondering why you fake-robbed the DMV. 141 00:04:51,718 --> 00:04:53,152 PAULA: Yeah, I posted the robbery 142 00:04:53,254 --> 00:04:54,355 to my Citizen app. 143 00:04:54,457 --> 00:04:56,020 And now everybody thinks I'm paranoid. 144 00:04:56,122 --> 00:04:58,889 I couldn't get you guys to take the crime wave seriously, 145 00:04:58,992 --> 00:05:01,590 and I needed to see how we respond to a threat. 146 00:05:01,692 --> 00:05:03,159 Let's roll the tape. 147 00:05:04,329 --> 00:05:05,132 (grunts) 148 00:05:05,234 --> 00:05:07,468 Now, for all Noa knows, 149 00:05:07,603 --> 00:05:09,203 I'm a dangerous international jewel thief. 150 00:05:09,305 --> 00:05:11,072 -(chuckles) -(all gasping) 151 00:05:11,174 --> 00:05:14,005 Noa! That was good. 152 00:05:14,772 --> 00:05:16,712 No clapping. Stop clapping. 153 00:05:16,814 --> 00:05:18,040 Stop it. 154 00:05:18,142 --> 00:05:21,184 What Noa did is wrong in every possible way. 155 00:05:21,286 --> 00:05:22,780 VIC: Hard agree. Should've hit him 156 00:05:22,882 --> 00:05:24,952 with the eye gouge-throat punch combo. 157 00:05:25,054 --> 00:05:26,022 Finish her! 158 00:05:26,157 --> 00:05:27,089 BARB: DMV policy is clear. 159 00:05:27,191 --> 00:05:28,422 In the event of a robbery, 160 00:05:28,491 --> 00:05:30,886 -we must do nothing. -NOA: What? 161 00:05:30,988 --> 00:05:33,294 We're supposed to just let them rob us? 162 00:05:33,363 --> 00:05:35,590 Yes. Does anyone read 10 and-- 163 00:05:35,659 --> 00:05:36,992 ow-- 10 and 2? 164 00:05:37,094 --> 00:05:39,265 DMV magazine? Girl, you know I don't read 165 00:05:39,367 --> 00:05:40,768 government propaganda. 166 00:05:40,836 --> 00:05:43,368 Just last month, an armed robber hit the Venice branch. 167 00:05:43,503 --> 00:05:44,975 Employees fought back, 168 00:05:45,077 --> 00:05:46,205 and he sued for four million. 169 00:05:46,341 --> 00:05:47,813 -Dollars? -Dollars. 170 00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:48,877 Are you saying "dollars"? 171 00:05:49,013 --> 00:05:50,248 I'm trying to. 172 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:51,674 Listen, we have one week until the consultants 173 00:05:51,776 --> 00:05:53,543 pick which branch gets axed. 174 00:05:53,678 --> 00:05:56,316 So, to defend our branch, 175 00:05:56,418 --> 00:05:59,384 we must not defend our branch. 176 00:05:59,486 --> 00:06:00,352 Wai-Wai-Wait, hold up. 177 00:06:00,487 --> 00:06:01,886 Go back. Give me that. 178 00:06:01,988 --> 00:06:03,556 -(laughs): Oh... -You don't... No. -What? Oh... 179 00:06:03,658 --> 00:06:05,159 -Is that... -You don't need to... 180 00:06:05,261 --> 00:06:07,256 CECI: Is that Vic? 181 00:06:08,066 --> 00:06:09,992 No, uh, couldn't be me. 182 00:06:10,094 --> 00:06:12,134 I was in the break room, slamming chia pud. 183 00:06:12,203 --> 00:06:14,063 CECI: That face! Aah! 184 00:06:14,165 --> 00:06:16,966 This. This is why I keep going back to church. 185 00:06:17,068 --> 00:06:19,976 You do continue to show me Your love. 186 00:06:20,044 --> 00:06:21,576 (laughs): Oh, God. 187 00:06:21,711 --> 00:06:24,075 No, no, no, I was running towards the back exit, 188 00:06:24,210 --> 00:06:26,247 because, usually, when bad guys come in through the front, 189 00:06:26,382 --> 00:06:28,044 you got to watch that back door, 190 00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:30,383 'cause even worse bad dudes come in the back door. 191 00:06:30,485 --> 00:06:32,716 I am sending this to everyone. 192 00:06:32,818 --> 00:06:34,255 And I don't mean just the office. 193 00:06:34,357 --> 00:06:37,122 Ooh, there's another angle. 194 00:06:37,892 --> 00:06:40,356 Did I actually have a good day at work today? 195 00:06:40,425 --> 00:06:41,492 Huh. 196 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:43,934 Steve Miller Band? 197 00:06:44,069 --> 00:06:46,164 John Denver? The Eagles. 198 00:06:46,266 --> 00:06:50,032 Wow, you have the musical taste of a 70-year-old white guy. 199 00:06:50,101 --> 00:06:52,239 I can't believe you took Armando's side. 200 00:06:52,341 --> 00:06:53,812 That was so embarrassing. 201 00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:54,946 -His side? -Mm-hmm. 202 00:06:55,048 --> 00:06:56,680 Colette, there is no argument. 203 00:06:56,749 --> 00:06:59,716 This car is not worth the money that it would take to fix it. 204 00:06:59,818 --> 00:07:02,648 And I don't know why you're so attached to this hunk of junk. 205 00:07:02,750 --> 00:07:05,347 'Cause it has a lot of memories, okay? 206 00:07:05,449 --> 00:07:08,260 You know, I-I drove myself to prom and back in this thing. 207 00:07:08,362 --> 00:07:10,919 I spilled two vats of gravy in the back seat. 208 00:07:11,022 --> 00:07:13,761 Thanksgiving 2014, Gravy-Fest 2017. 209 00:07:13,897 --> 00:07:16,932 Amber and I drove 6,000 miles out here from Delaware, 210 00:07:17,068 --> 00:07:18,101 in this thing. 211 00:07:18,236 --> 00:07:20,432 Isn't that only 3,000 miles? 212 00:07:20,534 --> 00:07:22,464 Yeah. We got real lost. 213 00:07:23,267 --> 00:07:26,210 The point is, this car-- i-it survives everything. 214 00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:28,213 Armando is not the first mechanic 215 00:07:28,315 --> 00:07:30,339 to tell me that it's done for, m'kay? 216 00:07:30,441 --> 00:07:33,481 All right, well, everything survives until it doesn't. 217 00:07:33,583 --> 00:07:35,244 -It's just time. -Nope. You're wrong. 218 00:07:35,346 --> 00:07:37,288 I'm gonna prove it to you. I'm gonna get the repairs 219 00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:40,621 that this baby needs to pass its "smog test." 220 00:07:40,723 --> 00:07:43,457 And I'm gonna do it for far less than $3,000 221 00:07:43,593 --> 00:07:45,794 -because Gary never dies. -Oh, boy. 222 00:07:45,930 --> 00:07:47,130 Oh. 223 00:07:47,232 --> 00:07:48,761 Glue gun's in the glove box. 224 00:07:48,830 --> 00:07:51,367 And there's duct tape under the seat. 225 00:07:51,469 --> 00:07:53,929 You know what? I am just going to not 226 00:07:53,998 --> 00:07:55,466 -touch anything, okay? -Fine. 227 00:07:55,568 --> 00:07:56,805 -Whoa! -Oh... 228 00:07:59,409 --> 00:08:02,041 -That is new. -(groans) 229 00:08:06,414 --> 00:08:08,046 -Next. -Um, hey. 230 00:08:08,115 --> 00:08:10,080 Is it true somebody robbed this place yesterday? 231 00:08:10,182 --> 00:08:12,287 Yeah, but it turns out it was just our manager. 232 00:08:12,389 --> 00:08:13,883 This guy giving you troubs? 233 00:08:13,985 --> 00:08:16,320 -No. -I'm watching you, pal. 234 00:08:16,422 --> 00:08:18,021 (snorts) 235 00:08:18,123 --> 00:08:19,396 Vic, stop pretending to be tough, okay? 236 00:08:19,498 --> 00:08:21,131 I will never unsee what I saw on that tape. 237 00:08:21,233 --> 00:08:23,594 That was a fluke. I am tough. 238 00:08:23,696 --> 00:08:25,263 I used to be a bouncer. 239 00:08:25,365 --> 00:08:27,295 Well, you definitely bounced away from the action yesterday. 240 00:08:27,430 --> 00:08:28,934 It was like in a cartoon, when they run so fast 241 00:08:29,036 --> 00:08:30,474 that their little feet can't touch the ground, 242 00:08:30,576 --> 00:08:32,070 like doodley, doodley, doodley-whoo! (laughs) 243 00:08:32,172 --> 00:08:34,240 Okay. I see I'm gonna have to prove my toughness. 244 00:08:34,342 --> 00:08:35,439 (exclaiming) 245 00:08:35,575 --> 00:08:36,875 Aah! Aah! Oh! 246 00:08:36,943 --> 00:08:38,917 -Ah, Vic. Oh, my God. -Oh, my kneecap. 247 00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,148 God. That's my chair. 248 00:08:40,250 --> 00:08:42,085 Ooh, but I'm good. 249 00:08:42,154 --> 00:08:44,085 It hurts, and I love it. 250 00:08:44,187 --> 00:08:46,019 Gross. Ooh. 251 00:08:46,850 --> 00:08:48,487 Oof. Dang. 252 00:08:48,622 --> 00:08:49,959 -(grunts) -CECI: Ay. 253 00:08:50,062 --> 00:08:51,118 Real tough, Vic. 254 00:08:51,254 --> 00:08:53,827 -Already back. -Okay. Next, please. 255 00:08:53,963 --> 00:08:57,133 -(engine rumbling erratically) -(metal clattering) 256 00:08:57,235 --> 00:08:59,494 GREGG: What the... 257 00:09:02,300 --> 00:09:04,174 What the hell was that loud noise out there? 258 00:09:04,276 --> 00:09:05,775 Did a helicopter just land? 259 00:09:05,877 --> 00:09:09,013 Oh, that's just the sound of me proving you wrong, Gregg. 260 00:09:09,115 --> 00:09:10,415 Wait, that was your car? 261 00:09:10,484 --> 00:09:13,314 Yeah. All fixed. And for a very reasonable price. 262 00:09:13,416 --> 00:09:15,417 You may have a "car guy," 263 00:09:15,485 --> 00:09:18,212 but I have the... a Internet. 264 00:09:18,314 --> 00:09:19,719 Well, from the sound of it, they took 265 00:09:19,821 --> 00:09:21,788 -your catalytic converter. -What now? 266 00:09:21,890 --> 00:09:23,284 The thing that stops your car from making 267 00:09:23,353 --> 00:09:25,152 -that loud, horrible noise. -Yeah, yeah. 268 00:09:25,255 --> 00:09:26,561 They said it's temporary. And now 269 00:09:26,663 --> 00:09:28,233 I'll be able to pass the smog test. 270 00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:30,024 They lied, Colette. And, trust me, 271 00:09:30,159 --> 00:09:32,028 that car is not safe to drive. 272 00:09:32,130 --> 00:09:34,562 Uh, defeat-- not a good color on you. 273 00:09:34,664 --> 00:09:37,132 Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go buy a fancy coffee 274 00:09:37,201 --> 00:09:40,044 with my thousands of extra dollars. 275 00:09:40,146 --> 00:09:41,413 Uh, you want anything, 276 00:09:41,515 --> 00:09:43,871 or, uh, too full from eating your own words? 277 00:09:44,007 --> 00:09:45,107 (laughs) I got him. 278 00:09:45,176 --> 00:09:46,813 -Yeah, you got me. -Yeah, I got you. 279 00:09:46,915 --> 00:09:50,249 Just, uh, text me the order, though. Yeah. 280 00:09:50,351 --> 00:09:51,722 Okay. 281 00:09:53,523 --> 00:09:55,553 (shouts) Everybody be cool! 282 00:09:55,655 --> 00:09:57,561 This is a robbery! 283 00:09:57,663 --> 00:09:59,461 Citizens of Citizen, I am in an active robbery. 284 00:09:59,529 --> 00:10:01,459 -For real this time. -Hyah! 285 00:10:01,528 --> 00:10:02,630 (grunting) 286 00:10:02,699 --> 00:10:04,401 -Stop right there! -MAN: Oh, no. 287 00:10:04,536 --> 00:10:06,462 -It's that tough guy. -That's right. 288 00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:09,733 Terrified public, do not fear this human piece of garbage. 289 00:10:09,835 --> 00:10:11,571 For I, Vic Tersillo, 290 00:10:11,673 --> 00:10:12,635 -have this... -(shouting) 291 00:10:12,704 --> 00:10:13,975 (grunting) 292 00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:16,212 Barb, what the hell? 293 00:10:16,314 --> 00:10:17,477 I had this under control. 294 00:10:17,545 --> 00:10:18,678 BARB: Oh, geez. 295 00:10:18,747 --> 00:10:20,216 -My instincts kicked in. -Buddy... 296 00:10:20,318 --> 00:10:22,211 I violated DMV protocol. 297 00:10:22,313 --> 00:10:23,988 I'm sorry, Mr. Robber. Please don't sue us. 298 00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:25,717 -(gasps) -Noa? 299 00:10:25,852 --> 00:10:27,553 -Oh, my... -I'm sorry, Vic. 300 00:10:27,655 --> 00:10:28,855 I never saw her coming. 301 00:10:28,924 --> 00:10:31,662 Why are you apologizing to me, stranger? 302 00:10:31,764 --> 00:10:34,090 -Stranger? -Oh, come on. Another fake robbery? 303 00:10:34,192 --> 00:10:35,465 Citizen has a three-strike policy. 304 00:10:35,567 --> 00:10:36,926 I can't get kicked off another app. 305 00:10:37,028 --> 00:10:38,402 NOA: You said if I do this, 306 00:10:38,504 --> 00:10:39,931 I could join your paintball league. 307 00:10:40,033 --> 00:10:41,530 -Not anymore, dummy. -PAULA: Oh, Vic, 308 00:10:41,598 --> 00:10:43,835 it's my paintball league, and the waitlist is closed. 309 00:10:43,937 --> 00:10:45,268 -I'm confused. -CECI: Hello? 310 00:10:45,370 --> 00:10:46,935 Vic clearly convinced Noa to stage another robbery 311 00:10:47,070 --> 00:10:48,269 so he could play hero. 312 00:10:48,404 --> 00:10:49,611 (sighs) This DMV has hit a new low. 313 00:10:49,746 --> 00:10:52,750 -And we've had bedbugs twice. -(gasps) 314 00:10:56,216 --> 00:10:59,583 (sighs) The thing you like is called a cortado. 315 00:10:59,685 --> 00:11:00,953 That's it. 316 00:11:01,055 --> 00:11:03,184 Uh, Gregg, can you please come pick me up? 317 00:11:03,286 --> 00:11:04,394 'Cause my... (clears throat) 318 00:11:04,463 --> 00:11:06,363 -...car died. -(sighs) Yeah. 319 00:11:06,466 --> 00:11:07,832 -Where are you? -(horn honks) 320 00:11:07,934 --> 00:11:08,925 Hold on. 321 00:11:09,027 --> 00:11:12,195 Back up, park and walk inside. 322 00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:14,128 Your car broke down in a drive-through? 323 00:11:14,230 --> 00:11:15,570 -(horns honking) -Oh, oh! 324 00:11:15,672 --> 00:11:17,131 My car can honk, too, you know. 325 00:11:17,266 --> 00:11:18,770 -(warbling honk) -(whimpers) 326 00:11:18,872 --> 00:11:20,775 Come on, Gary, say something. 327 00:11:20,877 --> 00:11:22,477 -(Barb shouts over video) -Oh! No, no, no. 328 00:11:22,579 --> 00:11:23,810 Okay, okay, one more time, Barb. 329 00:11:23,946 --> 00:11:25,239 Play it one more time, please, please. 330 00:11:25,308 --> 00:11:27,115 -(shouts) -Boom! That elbow. 331 00:11:27,217 --> 00:11:29,981 Barb, do you have, like, an ex that you want to get back with? 332 00:11:30,083 --> 00:11:32,948 Because you should send this to them. 333 00:11:33,050 --> 00:11:35,117 Honestly? Would smash. 334 00:11:35,220 --> 00:11:36,425 (hoarse): Please don't say "smash." 335 00:11:36,527 --> 00:11:38,459 My gal-dang vicious instincts 336 00:11:38,561 --> 00:11:40,329 put the branch at risk. 337 00:11:40,431 --> 00:11:42,626 Well, here's my manhood. 338 00:11:43,462 --> 00:11:45,965 CECI: Body oil and protein powder. What's this-- 339 00:11:46,067 --> 00:11:47,628 you're going to a swap meet at Muscle Beach? 340 00:11:47,764 --> 00:11:49,432 Those are once a month, and you have to be on a list. 341 00:11:49,501 --> 00:11:51,836 -Ugh. -I'm not the office tough guy anymore, 342 00:11:51,938 --> 00:11:53,169 so I don't need this stuff. 343 00:11:53,305 --> 00:11:55,571 It's like I don't know who I am anymore. 344 00:11:55,639 --> 00:11:58,306 Maybe I should buy a cardigan and be one of those guys 345 00:11:58,408 --> 00:12:00,648 that says, "Hey, no worries if not." 346 00:12:00,751 --> 00:12:03,420 "H-Hey, Dwayne, want to hang out? 347 00:12:03,522 --> 00:12:05,981 -No? No worries if not." -Well, 348 00:12:06,083 --> 00:12:08,252 -that's gross. -Yeah. 349 00:12:08,355 --> 00:12:10,987 There's just no reason to have all these at work. 350 00:12:11,089 --> 00:12:12,520 No, no, I'm talking about Vic. 351 00:12:12,656 --> 00:12:15,490 I mean, I wanted him to own being a wuss and all, 352 00:12:15,626 --> 00:12:17,268 but I didn't want him to lose his entire essence. 353 00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:19,460 That's just, like, creepy. 354 00:12:19,529 --> 00:12:22,305 This has got to be the smallest ThighMaster 355 00:12:22,374 --> 00:12:24,031 I have ever worked with. 356 00:12:24,133 --> 00:12:25,234 Ah-- look at this. 357 00:12:25,336 --> 00:12:26,840 -CECI: Barb, that's not a... -Yeah. 358 00:12:26,942 --> 00:12:28,942 I can really feel it in my gloins. 359 00:12:29,044 --> 00:12:30,406 Can you not do that in my chair, please? 360 00:12:30,508 --> 00:12:33,149 It's like a hummingbird's wishbone being crushed 361 00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:34,948 by two redwoods. 362 00:12:35,050 --> 00:12:36,978 -(strains) -CECI: Please, please, please. 363 00:12:37,047 --> 00:12:39,186 -No! -Aah! 364 00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:43,352 Hey, Colette. 365 00:12:43,487 --> 00:12:44,959 Sorry I'm late. I got on the wrong bus. 366 00:12:45,028 --> 00:12:46,890 Although if I was trying to go to the airport, 367 00:12:47,025 --> 00:12:48,256 I got on the right bus. 368 00:12:48,359 --> 00:12:50,058 -Mm. -Thanks again for helping me 369 00:12:50,193 --> 00:12:51,466 get Gary towed yesterday. 370 00:12:51,568 --> 00:12:53,496 Uh, don't thank me yet. 371 00:12:53,565 --> 00:12:55,039 Come on, I want to show you something very cool 372 00:12:55,175 --> 00:12:56,198 out the window. 373 00:12:56,300 --> 00:12:58,408 (gasps) Is the flasher back? 374 00:12:58,510 --> 00:13:00,043 -(chuckles) -I love her. 375 00:13:00,145 --> 00:13:01,402 No. 376 00:13:01,504 --> 00:13:02,708 You see that car with the bow on it? 377 00:13:02,843 --> 00:13:03,973 -Mm-hmm. -The blue car? 378 00:13:04,042 --> 00:13:05,415 It's a regular bow. 379 00:13:05,517 --> 00:13:08,048 They don't sell car bows at CVS. 380 00:13:08,150 --> 00:13:10,355 I'm watching. Is it gonna blow up or something? 381 00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:12,754 It's your new car! (chuckles) 382 00:13:12,856 --> 00:13:14,789 -Mm-hmm. -I'm thinking you call it Gregg. 383 00:13:14,891 --> 00:13:16,756 I don't understand. I have a car. 384 00:13:16,891 --> 00:13:18,560 No, you have a piece of metal 385 00:13:18,662 --> 00:13:20,698 that's, like, unsafe to drive. 386 00:13:20,766 --> 00:13:23,363 So, yesterday, I made a deal with Armando. 387 00:13:23,465 --> 00:13:26,933 I gave him your Volvo for parts, and a transmission that I had 388 00:13:27,035 --> 00:13:30,439 in exchange for one of his used cars. 389 00:13:30,541 --> 00:13:32,276 How could you do this? 390 00:13:32,378 --> 00:13:33,773 I didn't ask for this. 391 00:13:33,908 --> 00:13:35,273 Do you know how crazy that is? 392 00:13:35,409 --> 00:13:37,772 Yeah, I do, because when I was doing it, I thought, 393 00:13:37,874 --> 00:13:40,614 "This is crazy, it seems like something Colette would do." 394 00:13:40,749 --> 00:13:42,920 I can't believe this. 395 00:13:43,752 --> 00:13:44,850 GREGG: Where you going? 396 00:13:44,952 --> 00:13:47,290 Uh, to return your "gift," 397 00:13:47,426 --> 00:13:49,652 and get my car back. 398 00:13:52,728 --> 00:13:55,157 And if I were a key? 399 00:13:55,259 --> 00:13:57,429 -On your desk. -Thank you. 400 00:14:05,876 --> 00:14:09,947 AUTOMATED VOICE: Now serving A37. 401 00:14:11,474 --> 00:14:14,182 BARB: What in the Gilligan? 402 00:14:15,046 --> 00:14:16,415 May I help you? 403 00:14:17,281 --> 00:14:18,947 -Oh! -Oh. It's me, Barb. 404 00:14:19,083 --> 00:14:20,283 Well, the new me. 405 00:14:20,385 --> 00:14:22,022 If I can't be the office tough guy, 406 00:14:22,124 --> 00:14:24,988 I figured maybe I could be our jam band guy? 407 00:14:25,123 --> 00:14:27,030 Phish is still a thing, 408 00:14:27,132 --> 00:14:30,228 Mayer's touring with the Dead, Goose is the new Twiddle. 409 00:14:30,296 --> 00:14:32,263 -What? -Yeah, I don't really get it. 410 00:14:32,365 --> 00:14:34,704 I don't know any of that stuff, either. 411 00:14:34,806 --> 00:14:36,469 And truthfully, I'm worried how me 412 00:14:36,571 --> 00:14:39,335 and all these friggin' burnouts are gonna make conversaish. 413 00:14:39,437 --> 00:14:42,271 Jam Band Vic doesn't do abbreviaish. 414 00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:44,308 Damn it. This is gonna be tough. 415 00:14:44,444 --> 00:14:46,148 You know, you don't have to change who you are 416 00:14:46,284 --> 00:14:48,949 just because your gut instinct was "run away this one time." 417 00:14:49,018 --> 00:14:51,318 But it wasn't just this one time. 418 00:14:52,857 --> 00:14:55,651 When I was a kid, I was a shrimp. 419 00:14:55,753 --> 00:14:57,928 Everyone at the foster house would get into fights, 420 00:14:58,030 --> 00:15:00,588 and the only way I could survive would be to run away. 421 00:15:00,690 --> 00:15:03,666 I got muscles as soon as I could, but... 422 00:15:03,769 --> 00:15:05,063 maybe that's just on the outside. 423 00:15:05,166 --> 00:15:07,496 Honey, what I did was embarrassing. 424 00:15:07,598 --> 00:15:09,537 I would have loved to react the way you did. 425 00:15:09,673 --> 00:15:11,166 Instead, Papa Barb's 426 00:15:11,268 --> 00:15:13,337 instincts cut in and... 427 00:15:13,439 --> 00:15:15,445 What you did-- that was something stronger. 428 00:15:15,547 --> 00:15:17,705 Say more. Go on record. 429 00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:20,477 Mention specific muscle groups, if-if you can. 430 00:15:20,580 --> 00:15:23,684 You followed DMV protocol and you showed restraint. 431 00:15:23,786 --> 00:15:25,689 I almost decapitated Noa. 432 00:15:25,791 --> 00:15:28,349 Unfortunately, I would do it again. 433 00:15:28,451 --> 00:15:30,391 God, I want to do it again. 434 00:15:30,527 --> 00:15:31,561 Restraint. 435 00:15:31,696 --> 00:15:33,023 I never thought of it like that. 436 00:15:33,159 --> 00:15:35,159 Except for, in the moment, 437 00:15:35,261 --> 00:15:37,368 when I was doing it on purpose, 438 00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:39,334 as an active choice. 439 00:15:39,403 --> 00:15:40,694 Exactly. 440 00:15:40,796 --> 00:15:42,696 You might have been a little guy growing up, 441 00:15:42,832 --> 00:15:45,367 but you're teaching me how to be a big guy... 442 00:15:45,469 --> 00:15:47,143 (clicks tongue) ...up here. 443 00:15:48,007 --> 00:15:49,375 Thanks, Barb. 444 00:15:49,477 --> 00:15:51,883 You know, as a leader, you don't get enough appreciation. 445 00:15:51,985 --> 00:15:54,749 (chuckles) I know you wanted to say "appreciaish." 446 00:15:54,884 --> 00:15:57,753 Actually, it's just "preesh." 447 00:15:57,855 --> 00:16:00,555 Oh, man. Feels good to be back. 448 00:16:00,657 --> 00:16:01,722 -(laughs) -Ah, ah. 449 00:16:01,824 --> 00:16:03,391 You remember the seminar. 450 00:16:03,493 --> 00:16:04,721 Yes. 451 00:16:08,432 --> 00:16:09,759 Hey. 452 00:16:10,601 --> 00:16:12,300 I was too late. 453 00:16:13,100 --> 00:16:15,501 He already took Gary apart. 454 00:16:17,843 --> 00:16:19,536 Look, I'm sorry for overstepping. 455 00:16:19,638 --> 00:16:22,904 I realize you had a lot of memories in this car. 456 00:16:23,681 --> 00:16:25,775 This car was my dad's. 457 00:16:26,678 --> 00:16:29,183 He gave it to me the year I graduated high school, 458 00:16:29,252 --> 00:16:32,189 and it's... it is the last thing I had of him. 459 00:16:32,291 --> 00:16:34,022 Hmm. 460 00:16:34,124 --> 00:16:37,460 When he passed, it had-it had been years 461 00:16:37,596 --> 00:16:39,893 since I'd been home. 462 00:16:39,995 --> 00:16:41,394 You know, travel's so expensive. 463 00:16:41,463 --> 00:16:45,267 I kept saying "next year, next year," and then... 464 00:16:46,606 --> 00:16:48,897 ...there was no next year. 465 00:16:52,472 --> 00:16:54,371 I don't even know what to say, Colette. 466 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:56,378 When I was a kid, he used to take me 467 00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:57,646 on these 468 00:16:57,781 --> 00:17:00,150 long Sunday drives and... 469 00:17:00,252 --> 00:17:03,311 would listen to John Denver and he'd bore me with trivia 470 00:17:03,413 --> 00:17:05,855 about West Virginia. 471 00:17:05,957 --> 00:17:07,915 Did you know it has, uh, more towns 472 00:17:07,984 --> 00:17:10,419 named after foreign cities than any other state? 473 00:17:10,488 --> 00:17:12,325 -(tongue clicks) -No, I didn't, 474 00:17:12,461 --> 00:17:15,462 but then my cousin moved to Beijing, West Virginia. 475 00:17:20,533 --> 00:17:23,503 I know the car had to go, I just, uh... 476 00:17:24,801 --> 00:17:28,112 I wish I had been able to say goodbye. 477 00:17:30,375 --> 00:17:33,317 Well, I didn't know any of that. 478 00:17:33,419 --> 00:17:35,244 (sniffles) 479 00:17:35,313 --> 00:17:37,749 But I do know this. 480 00:17:37,851 --> 00:17:39,653 What? 481 00:17:39,789 --> 00:17:41,983 This is a Subaru. 482 00:17:45,661 --> 00:17:47,659 Gary! 483 00:17:48,457 --> 00:17:50,098 (whistling a tune) 484 00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:52,493 Help. Help. A man just stole my purse. 485 00:17:52,595 --> 00:17:54,704 -Where? -Uh-uh-uh, no. 486 00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,936 What? Please. He's right there. 487 00:17:57,038 --> 00:17:58,806 You can still catch him. 488 00:17:58,908 --> 00:18:01,273 I can, and I won't. 489 00:18:01,342 --> 00:18:03,976 (stammers) Somebody call the police? 490 00:18:04,078 --> 00:18:05,516 Mama, I saw the purse. 491 00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:06,649 He's doing you a favor. 492 00:18:06,751 --> 00:18:08,410 Why won't anyone help me? 493 00:18:08,512 --> 00:18:11,482 Because, ma'am, this is the DMV. 494 00:18:11,551 --> 00:18:15,352 Helping people is not what we do here. 495 00:18:15,455 --> 00:18:18,320 AUTOMATED VOICE: Now serving P19 496 00:18:18,422 --> 00:18:22,364 at window number ten. 497 00:18:25,032 --> 00:18:26,764 BARB: My boy. 498 00:18:30,676 --> 00:18:32,368 Okay, I get it now. 499 00:18:32,470 --> 00:18:33,469 Are you sure you don't want 500 00:18:33,537 --> 00:18:34,978 -to sit on this side? -No. 501 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:38,149 Shotgun's where I have my best memories. 502 00:18:39,046 --> 00:18:40,841 Look, look, look. 503 00:18:40,910 --> 00:18:43,979 Dad used to let me put my stickers on here. 504 00:18:44,048 --> 00:18:46,557 It's kind of disturbing how little they've disintegrated 505 00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:48,686 throughout the years. 506 00:18:48,755 --> 00:18:50,718 I ate some of these. What do you think that means? 507 00:18:50,820 --> 00:18:52,387 I think it means the memory of your dad 508 00:18:52,489 --> 00:18:53,891 will always be with you. 509 00:18:53,993 --> 00:18:55,859 Hmm. 510 00:18:57,063 --> 00:18:58,465 -Oh. -Oh. 511 00:18:58,567 --> 00:19:01,129 Maybe you could help me install this in my new car? 512 00:19:01,231 --> 00:19:02,329 Sure. 513 00:19:02,432 --> 00:19:04,032 It'll be $3,000. 514 00:19:08,882 --> 00:19:10,506 Would you pop this in the Discman 515 00:19:10,574 --> 00:19:11,905 connected to the cassette tape 516 00:19:12,007 --> 00:19:14,385 connected to the cigarette lighter for me? 517 00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:16,286 Yeah. Sure. 518 00:19:21,393 --> 00:19:24,261 ("Take Me Home, Country Roads" by John Denver playing) 519 00:19:25,125 --> 00:19:27,056 (music skipping) 520 00:19:27,125 --> 00:19:28,258 Hold on. 521 00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:30,261 ♪ ...most he... ♪ 522 00:19:30,363 --> 00:19:32,394 ♪ Blue Ridge Mountains ♪ 523 00:19:32,496 --> 00:19:36,669 ♪ Shenandoah River ♪ 524 00:19:37,601 --> 00:19:39,269 ♪ Life is old there ♪ 525 00:19:39,405 --> 00:19:42,441 ♪ Older than the trees ♪ 526 00:19:42,576 --> 00:19:45,606 -♪ Younger than the mountains ♪ -Bye. 527 00:19:45,708 --> 00:19:47,750 ♪ Growing like a breeze ♪ 528 00:19:47,852 --> 00:19:50,114 ♪ Country roads ♪ 529 00:19:50,249 --> 00:19:53,656 ♪ Take me home ♪ 530 00:19:53,758 --> 00:19:56,450 ♪ To the place ♪ 531 00:19:56,552 --> 00:19:59,321 ♪ I belong ♪ 532 00:19:59,423 --> 00:20:01,829 ♪ West Virgina ♪ 533 00:20:01,965 --> 00:20:05,327 ♪ Mountain mama ♪ 534 00:20:05,429 --> 00:20:08,133 ♪ Take me home ♪ 535 00:20:08,235 --> 00:20:11,803 ♪ Country roads. ♪ 536 00:20:16,642 --> 00:20:18,907 -BARB (strains): 10 and 2. -Barb? 537 00:20:19,010 --> 00:20:20,981 -BARB: 10 and 2. 10 and 2. -Is everything okay? 538 00:20:21,117 --> 00:20:24,552 BARB: 10, 10 and 2. 539 00:20:25,583 --> 00:20:27,123 "East Hollywood successfully 540 00:20:27,192 --> 00:20:29,290 -allows robbery, avoids lawsuit." -(mouths) 541 00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:32,026 -Hey, all right. -Friggin' made 10 and 2. 542 00:20:32,128 --> 00:20:33,259 We got a "Honk Out." Page 14. 543 00:20:33,362 --> 00:20:35,329 Robbery? What the hell did we miss? 544 00:20:35,431 --> 00:20:37,526 -Now you read it out loud, Greggory. -No. 545 00:20:37,662 --> 00:20:39,199 Read it out loud for us, Colette. 546 00:20:39,334 --> 00:20:41,100 Uh, the one line? Vic already did. 547 00:20:41,202 --> 00:20:43,037 Yep. "East Hollywood 548 00:20:43,172 --> 00:20:45,107 "successfully allows robbery, 549 00:20:45,176 --> 00:20:47,203 -avoids lawsuit." Mm. -GREGG: Mm. 550 00:20:47,338 --> 00:20:49,205 Chills. Ah! 551 00:20:49,341 --> 00:20:51,175 (whoops, laughs) 552 00:20:51,277 --> 00:20:53,549 Oh. Seminar. Hmm. 553 00:20:53,685 --> 00:20:54,776 Restraint. 554 00:20:54,845 --> 00:20:57,684 East Hollywood's in print! (whoops) 555 00:21:01,884 --> 00:21:04,825 Captioning sponsored by CBS 556 00:21:04,928 --> 00:21:07,629 and TOYOTA. 557 00:21:07,731 --> 00:21:11,126 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org